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Warning! There may be untapped potential all around you!

On November 18, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / Leave a comment

Coming through this dark, long tunnel of cloth might look easy, but it was quite an accomplishment for Grace. I wasn

What is the potential for any dog?

I doubt this question gets asked much by dog owners. Many of us bring a canine pal into our homes for companionship (nothing wrong with that!). But we probably don’t put a dedicated focus on helping them reach their own potential. We’re often more interested in having them fit into our lives and lifestyle. There obviously has to be some of that for a peaceful and satisfactory co-existence, but I’m talking about real efforts to bring out the best in the dog.

And the same thing happens in our workplaces. We bring on a new employee because a job needs to get done (nothing wrong with that!). But then we often leave that person on their own to figure out the ropes. We get busy or just don’t have the interest to mentor and support what they need to thrive. It seems that if they are surviving, that’s good enough. But think about the difference in the outcomes for someone who is just surviving, versus someone who is thriving.

The proverbial backbone: having the courage to speak and listen openly to others

On September 29, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 18 Comments

Grace has always seemed so agile to me. Maybe there is more than meets the eye. I'm about to find out. Photo by Annie Card.

Tomorrow morning Grace and I are leaving at the crack of dawn (she doesn’t know this yet) and drive two hours west. We’re going to meet a dog chiropractor and have her evaluate Grace.

Mind you, I’m not even sure what, if anything is wrong with Grace. I know most people would (and will) think this is excessive. Some people don’t even go to their family doc on a regular basis—much less take their dog to a chiropractor who lives two states away. At least most dog owners I know.

A whale of a time

On September 27, 2011 / Motivating / 6 Comments

In recent posts, I’ve talked about Gitte and Jill, both who inspired me by the choices they made about how they are living their lives. The subject of career choices comes up frequently in conversations I have with my work but I didn’t really expect this to be one of the main themes that resonated with me from my vacation.

While Grace was back in New Hampshire, sunning herself in a friend’s back yard and being entertained by chipmunks, Pete and I were exploring Alaska’s Inside Passage. One of main things that drew us to Alaska was the idea of the landscape and wildlife, so it was our hope to get out and experience it as much as possible. We enjoy kayaking here at home and felt like it would be a fitting way to see the coast there.

Maslow, baseball, and being safe

On July 27, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 4 Comments

When Grace feels safe, she can literally fly! I love this picture, it's as if she is soaring, both mentally and physically through this obstacle that she has mastered on her own terms, because she has felt safe doing so. Photo by Annie Card.

We watch a lot of baseball in this house. I’m not very good at those split second calls to determine whether the runner reaches the base before the ball. It all happens so fast to me and while I’m still trying to figure it out, I hear an echo in the room between my husband and Don Orsilloproclaiming: “SAFE!” They almost always get the call right.

I go through this with Grace, too. There can be a split second balance between when she feels safe and when she’s not. And I know there have been times when I catch myself discounting her fear—because I know she’ll be fine. When I’m not respectful of her fear, I have in essence, violated her safety zone. For example, when we walk down the street, we occasionally come upon someone new walking and typically the person wants to say hello to Grace. She might back up, hide behind me, or perhaps whine. And I’ve said to her, “It’s ok, Grace. You’ll be fine. This nice person just wants to say hello.” And that does absolutely nothing to make her feel safe. (The better choice is to ask the person to ignore Grace and allow Grace to initiate any interaction on her own terms.)

It was another important lesson I learned at the recent seminar I attended by Suzanne Clothier on fearful dogs—only the dog can define the safe zone. As Suzanne reminded us, safety is the second of five of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (just above basic needs like food and shelter). Until the needs are met at each level of the pyramid, you cannot move up. If we create an unsafe environment, we are going to remain there, until we feel secure. We can all understand how a child suffering from malnutrition would not be able to focus on school work. Suzanne’s belief, and one that makes sense to me, is that no learning can take place when a dog feels unsafe. But once that dog feels safe, you can teach him nearly anything.

Grace can learn to greet new people – if she can experience that in a safe environment, but never while she’s so terrified that she can’t think straight. You can’t remove fear by telling another person it shouldn’t exist; they have to come to that conclusion.

In organizations, that means that if we want employees to learn new skills, or take bold risks that will improve efficiencies, or bring forward a ground-breaking idea that might initially sound crazy, they need to exist in a safe environment, one that fosters innovation without repercussions.

Are you, as a manager – or a co-worker or a team member – creating safe zones for others? Do you respect the opinion of others and allow them to openly voice an opposing viewpoint? Do you reward ideas even if they don’t work out or do you ridicule or punish for those, even in subtle ways? Are you discounting how someone feels, just because you don’t feel that way?

Only the employee can define the safe zone.

As managers, it’s our responsibility to understand that zone, realizing it’s different with each person, and can change with a new situation. Stay in the game, so you can make that split-second decision whether to call it safe or not.

I’ll take a frog, please!

On July 12, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Motivating / Leave a comment

Being in water is not something that Grace is fond of. But she's on the hunt for a frog and this would motivate her much more than a piece of cheese, one of her favorite treats, to get on the rocks as you see her here. It's all a matter of what motivates us to do things we may not otherwise want to do!

At this morning’s Rotary meeting, our guest speaker was a dog trainer. It seems everywhere I turn these days I’m around some dog and/or animal-related activity, which makes me very happy. And I didn’t even have anything to do with arranging for the speaker!

Denise Mazzola gave a compelling presentation about a trip she made last fall, driving from Texas to New Hampshire in a small van, bringing back with her 22 homeless dogs. It was an amazing story and kudos to Denise for her extraordinary measures to save these precious animals and give them the opportunity to find permanent homes. (All were adopted!)

The impetus for this trip came as a result of Denise’s acceptance to an Extreme Mutt Makeover contest. The purpose of the event is to showcase shelter dogs – raising awareness that shelter dogs can be healthy, well-adjusted pets, and reducing any perception that these animals all have behavioral issues or insurmountable problems.

As part of this event, certified dog trainers spend eight weeks with a dog, teaching them basic obedience skills and preparing them for life with an adopted family. Denise was paired with Mustang Sally, a Catahula Leapard mix; Denise said that Sally was one of the most difficult dogs she had ever trained. Coming from a veteran trainer, that’s quite a statement.

If you only have a short period of time to show measurable results, you need to find strong motivators. Denise really needed to get to know Sally—fast—and understand what motivates her to success. Because Sally was not overly motivated by food, something that makes training easier, Denise had a harder job. And as she told us this morning, “It’s all about the motivation when you’re trying to change behavior.”

So of course, that got me thinking. That’s such a true statement for any person. Whenever we do something, we’re motivated by some reason. And if the task or behavior is less desirable for us, we need a more intense motivator. Wouldn’t you agree?

Our friends

In the workplace, managers and executives are often trying to find ways to motivate employees to top performance. Or sometimes we just want to give a gift that says, “thank you for an outstanding job.” Frequently we offer the other person something that we value, as opposed to finding out what’s important to the other person. One common example is when sales organizations give incentive trips to exotic destinations for exceptional sales results. Even though many salespeople are social by nature it doesn’t automatically mean they want to go on a trip to the islands with their boss!

So when we are setting up benefits, incentives, rewards, and even simple gifts to say ‘thank you for a great job’, remember to think about the other person. The most important thing is what motivates that person. Not you. Involve the other individual in the conversation or you will likely miss the opportunity to find the real incentive.

Grace, unlike Mustang Sally, is very motivated by food. But if I am interested to get Grace to dip her toes in the water, the only thing that will entice her is a frog. Not even cheese, one of her favorite treats, would be enough. Get to know the other person so you’ll know what motivates them. Or if you can, ask.

Make time to devote to your professional development

On June 24, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 5 Comments

Sunny was a patient teacher

I’ve been on the road for the last couple of weeks – away on a combination of business stops mingled with a few family visits. I haven’t seen Grace for nine days and I really miss her. Of course, I miss my husband, too, along with all the routines that I enjoy in my life.

Immersed in a different daily regimen is energizing, though. The last several days I’ve spent with colleagues getting a deeper understanding of the assessment tools I use in my work. After finishing the coursework (and assuming I pass the test), I’ll receive the certification offered by Profiles International. I’ve worked with these tools for ten years and I’m still developing a robust knowledge bank about the scientific foundation of the assessments and the applications for their use. One of my favorite parts of these types of meetings is the interaction with my peers. We share information and ideas with each other that is invaluable for our professional development.

Somehow I think Grace knew she could learn from Sunny. They played endlessly, yet it was always clear that Sunny was the teacher. Grace gladly accepted the role of student. They both walked away richer for the experiences.

Being a student can be fun. When I first got Grace, we lived next door to a couple who were real dog lovers. They had one dog and another that was dropped off every weekday morning by family to stay while they were at work. Sunny was a beautiful, well-adjusted golden retriever who served as an important role model for Grace. She was a dream dog by any standard and I loved that Grace could be around her. It provided the type of mentorship that only another dog could provide to Grace.

We need those situations where we can learn from each other. Just being submerged into sessions with a variety of perspectives is worthwhile. Spending this time not only expands what I know, it shakes up how I think about things and makes it all fresh.

Grace watched Sunny's every move, especially when she did things Grace was scared to do, like swimming.

It was tempting to think that investing in this time—including travel it’s practically an entire week—was more than I could spare. It would have been easier to stay at home. Yet I know that without carving out time for continual learning, I would have limited my potential for new and better knowledge.

Make time to devote to your professional development. Even if you’d rather be at home.

Being on top of the world changes everything

On May 10, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Motivating / 2 Comments

We’ve all had that experience when we feel on top of the world. We’re not just happy; we are ecstatic with a sense of accomplishment, achievement, complete satisfaction, and enjoyment.

It’s the feeling that a professional athlete must have after years of training to win a national title. Or a health care provider that saves a life in a difficult circumstance. Perhaps an executive who exceeds productivity goals established for the year. Or a dog who can enjoy running in the woods with a dozen people that she doesn’t know.

We all come to this grandiose sense of achievement from a different place. For many, it’s the culmination of hard work towards a complex goal that we’ve conquered. For Grace, it’s feeling like on one particular day, she enjoyed herself amongst strangers.

She's grinning!

None of us climb to our summit alone. Years ago, Grace was terrified to be near anyone and even the thing she loves so much—running in the woods—was scary if other people were there. Nearly every weekend during the summer, we join a group for a two-hour walk in a variety of locations, in search of mushrooms. Grace could care less about the mushroom hunt, but she and I both enjoy the time outdoors in nature’s beauty. We couldn’t have continued to take her along if everyone else wasn’t welcoming to her.

There are some “regulars” who come each time and there are usually some newcomers, too. Without exception, each person has offered a calm voice and extended a friendly hand to her. One of the “regulars” commented to me this past Sunday how much Grace has changed. I replied that it’s because of how kind everyone has been. And that’s really the truth; without the help of others supporting Grace’s needs, the outcomes she’s experienced would be vastly different.

You have to look closely to see Grace, which is the significant thing about this photo. She's far away from me, but very close to some strangers, and she's not afraid.

While not always so obvious, our teammates at work really need us. But we’re often too busy to stop and offer a hand. We don’t think to ask if someone needs our help or wants to talk about how to handle a situation. We rush through a meeting because there is so much waiting on our own desk.

Yet if we provided the same generosity of heart to help our co-workers reach the top of the world, think of how the outcomes might be changed.

Getting to know you

On May 6, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 7 Comments

This picture was taken one of the first nights I had Grace. Two immediate reminders of her in those early days are the harness and her withdrawn posture. She wore this harness for the first month or so because she had slipped out of her collar when living at her foster home, and literally would not come back inside for two weeks. I always kept her on her leash with this harness in the beginning to insure that she couldn't escape from me! She was definitely unsure of her new home and very cautious around me. She did find that stuffed giraffe and had placed it where it is; I felt she wanted to have a friend or two!

Memories of the first time you meet someone linger. Those initial moments create an emotion that sticks with us. Quite often, we then allow our mind to focus on that (good or bad) feeling, and it builds into an elaborate impression, reinforcing and rationalizing our first instinct.

I remember talking to the woman, Denise, who was fostering Grace when I called to ask about meeting this small, cute, lovable-looking dog I had found online. Before she even agreed to have me come over, she forewarned me that Grace would not be friendly, nor would she come to me; she would probably be very withdrawn from me. Now, if you’re thinking about adopting a dog, you hope the dog will like you, right? Yet, Denise did the right thing by giving me this information as it was a huge help to have that guidance; otherwise I can easily envision that my first impression of Grace would have been unfavorable.

How many times do we, as humans, have a guardian angel helping pave our way so that others can better understand us? Wouldn’t it be cool if we had someone ahead of us sharing our own personal quirks and preferences so that the exchange would go smoothly?

Since that’s not realistic, my thought is that we should remain open to any first impression we have. Good or bad. We just don’t have enough information to make a judgment that quickly. When we are open to the possibility that the person may be more than what we see at first, we expand our opportunity to see the hidden gems (or quirks!) of their personality.

It’s very important to notice what we experience so I’m not suggesting we disregard our intuition; however evaluating a pattern of behavior will lead us to a more accurate assessment. It will also result in a more constructive relationship in the long run, when we can openly acknowledge, build upon, and develop the strengths and challenges that we each bring to any interaction.

Even walking requires leadership

On April 26, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 2 Comments

Grace is very vocal when she wants something. It’s obvious when it’s mealtime or when she wants to sun herself on the deck. She is very explicit in her requests, using her voice (persistent whining) and body (sits in front of me, scratches her paw on me, jumps around if the first two don’t work) to let me know if I’m not moving fast enough for her. That’s a lesson I could study from watching her; first being clear in what I want and then asking in a manner that allows the other person to be equally clear in my intentions.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, learning how to best handle Grace’s fearful tendencies has opened up an incredible awareness of my own behaviors. In order to help Grace become more confident, I need to provide strong leadership. That means leading her with a confident, calm, assertive demeanor. I’m almost always calm, sometimes confident, but it’s not always very natural for me to be assertive. I have a strong tendency to “go with the flow” rather than take control and offer her guidance and direction.

For managers, this is a critical skill. We can all appreciate the value in offering clear guidance and direction. Being a leader doesn’t mean you have to be overbearing. You just have to be clear and firm, while being open to other’s input and needs.

Something as simple as walking Grace offers an opportunity for me to practice this almost every day, yet I find it challenging. Common dog-walking etiquette recommended by almost any trainer suggests that the dog should walk beside or behind the human. Think about the symbolic implications of this; the one in front is obviously leading.

When Grace and I walk, she doesn’t tug, but she is definitely in front of me. Yet I find myself being lazy in enforcing best practices on our walks. I dismiss it as unimportant.

It’s not that I’m unaware of it, either. Often I’ll say to myself: “I really should ask her to walk beside me.” But I rationalize that she’s enjoying her walk ahead of me or it’s not a big deal, all placid reasons that I make up as excuses for not taking the extra effort to retrain both of us on a better way of walking together.

It is a constant and ongoing challenge for me to remember to ‘take charge’ in our relationship, especially for those “minor” things that don’t seem to matter too much. How much of a difference would it make if I insist that she walk beside me? Probably a lot.

Because I want to pay attention to lessons I’m noticing, I commit to all of you that on my next walk with Grace, I’m going to have her walk beside me. Wish me luck. I’ll let you know how it goes.

“Change starts with myself”

On April 22, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 3 Comments

Grace always wants to be in the forefront of our attention -- especially when Oliver and Dodger are around. My original intention was to photograph (only) the cats because we rarely finding them napping so closely together. When Grace realized my sights were set solely on them, she plopped herself right in the way. She definitely expects others to navigate around her world instead of realizing she could adjust as well.

Grace really thinks that everyone—any dog, any cat, any human—should make adjustments to her needs. I know that comes from a lack of confidence and we continue to work on that, and in many ways it is endearing. She only wants to know we love her – more than we love her feline brothers, for example.

When she senses that our attention to her is secondary, she will bring herself front and center, just to remind us in her not-so-subtle way who is Number One. Yes, it’s kinda cute, but it’s not very mature, and it’s much less attractive when humans do it. So I wanted to share something that I experienced this week that impressed and inspired me.

I met with a management team for the first time and our topic was “Leadership Development.” At the end of the afternoon, I asked them to provide feedback on the time we spent together: what was the most important thing they had taken from the day?

I didn’t have any expectation for what would be said. We had covered a lot of topics and there were many rich gems that were discussed. But I was bowled over with what I was reading. There was an amazing consistency in a theme articulated by the participants. This is what they said:

“I really need to develop myself in order to better develop and mentor our staff.”

“The most important thing I got out of today is to keep learning more about myself to improve the perception others have of me.”

“Lead by example.”

And the one that really moved me: “Change starts with myself.”

It is all too often that I walk into an organization with a manager saying to me: “I’m having a lot of trouble with one of my employees. Can you work with her?” The implication and often the reality is that the manager does not understand their role in the issues that are happening. It takes two to tango.

Grace continues to learn this lesson, as I think we all do. It’s much too easy to put responsibility on someone else to fix the problem. So I am very excited to see that this group is willing to take the important step of being accountable for the change they want to see. Transformation will never happen without both parties taking ownership for making adjustments.