Giving Direction | PeopleSense Consulting

Didn’t I already tell you that?

On October 7, 2011 / Communicating, Graceful Leadership / 5 Comments

Does the following statement sound familiar: “I have specifically told him not to do that, but yet he still does it. It drives me crazy.”

Or this one: “I know we’ve talked about that. And she said she understood. Yet just this morning, I witnessed her doing the same thing without making the changes we had discussed and agreed upon.”

I think we’ve all been there. Frustrated that something we felt had been communicated wasn’t translating in to action.

I was on the other end of this conversation last week when meeting with Grace’s chiropractor. As we were wrapping up, Donna diplomatically offered a suggestion for me about working with Grace. She had noticed earlier, when we were sitting and talking, that Grace had been pacing around. Donna’s suggestion is that when Grace is showing early signs of anxiety that I ask her to “have a job” – something as simple as sitting down. It allows Grace to focus on following a command versus wondering what she should be doing in an unfamiliar and potentially stressful situation.

Establishing rules works in tandem with freedom of choice

On August 2, 2011 / Communicating, Graceful Leadership / 8 Comments

When traveling in a car, it's more challenging to get her to stay in her bed (as shown here in our bed). But I finally figured out that if I allow her to make the decision, it works much better than me trying to force her there.

We all need rules. This doesn’t hinder our ability to be creative or have decision-making abilities. I think these are often confused. In the last post, I described how Suzanne Clothiercreates interactions between a dog and a human where dogs have a level of decision-making. When a dog can figure out a situation on their own, they are much more likely to comply with what you want, versus being forced into some behavior.

I tried an experiment this weekend. Many Sunday mornings, we drive to a different location for a walk in the woods in search of mushrooms. Sometimes we drive ten minutes, sometimes an hour. Grace whines a good portion of the drive, perhaps from excitement, or maybe nervousness, I’m not sure. We’ve tried a lot of things to get her to be calm and quiet in the car, without much success. I thought about Suzanne’s approach and wondered how I could get Grace to make this decision on her own.

My idea was to give her a nice treat (small cubes of deli turkey meat) when she sat quietly in her bed. The only time she’d get the treat is when she made the decision to go in her bed on her own. No tempting, no luring, no asking from me. When and if she went to her bed on her own accord, then she’d get a nice treat. It would be my way of saying, “Thank you, good job!”

This past Sunday, she knew I had the turkey and she’d come sit in my lap, she’d paw at my hand and arm, she’d whine. I said nothing to her at all. As soon as she made her way to the back seat and landed in the bed, she got a treat. If she stayed there at a stoplight or a turn (when she normally would be up and looking, whining louder and louder), I’d give her a treat. It really worked!

After the second time, I could see that she was already making the connection and she willingly rested in her bed for much of the trip. At the very end of the drive as we pulled into the parking area, she lost her composure and reverted to her old ways, but in a 45-minute timeframe, our ride was dramatically different from past ones.

There were rules in this “game.” And after a short while, I could see her become focused on the activity, and taking initiative on her own part to play by these rules. This puzzle became an interesting challenge for her, as opposed to her being bored or nervous as she has been during previous rides.

In a recent conversation I had with a manager about an employee who was struggling in their work, we talked about ensuring that the employee had ownership for the solutions to improving. We need to engage individuals in the problem-solving, but we first must establish the rules that exist. For example, what is the timeframe for improvement? What is expected from the employee? What will happen if the results aren’t good? Both the manager and the employee should agree on the outcomes, including a determination of the quality of the work needed (the manager makes the final decision if there is a difference of opinion); the decisions about how to accomplish it should be driven by the employee.

Remember to be patient—don’t lure with treats too soon—allow the person to make their own choices and perhaps make a mistake or two as they figure out the best methods for success. Before I gave Grace the permission to make her own decisions about riding in the car, the rules were unclear and confusing to her. She could sit in my lap; she could sit in her bed, she could sit quietly or whine and aside from the occasional “shhhhhhhhh” or “noooooooo”, there was virtually no difference in the environment from her perspective.

Are you sending mixed signals to your employees by saying little or nothing when things go wrong? Employees need to know what the boundaries are for performance. What am I working to accomplish? What is my goal? Can I miss by a little? Or by a lot? What will happen if I don’t do what I say I was going to do? The manager needs to be clear on the desired goal, too. In absence of this, how can anyone achieve it?

Also be sure you know how much flexibility you can afford when things don’t go the way you hoped. What will happen if the goals are missed? Sometimes it might be ok, yet at other times it could be devastating to the organization. Be sure you communicate those parameters to everyone involved. Give others the freedom to make decisions but ensure that you both understand the rules first.

The nuances of communicating do matter

On May 3, 2011 / Communicating, Graceful Leadership / 5 Comments

Grace was out of control. In a happy way.

She bounded into the agility room on Friday and all bets were off for getting her attention. She wanted to greet the other two dogs. Say hello to her favorite trainer, Rachel. She jumped over the hurdles. Ran through the chute. Leapt over the A Frame. It was hard to keep up with where she was going next. She was as excited and as full of energy as I have seen her there.

She has definitely enjoyed our recent visits to agility class. But it seemed that this day was extraordinarily blissful for her. It required every skill I knew to keep her engaged in what we should be doing. Even the string cheese and duck-flavored savory treats weren’t enough to maintain her focus!

Have you ever tried to communicate with someone who has absolutely no interest in what you have to say? That’s what I felt like with Grace.

While she was bouncing off the walls, I had a revelation. One of the exercises was a front cross maneuver. As Grace exited the tunnel, I was to come in front of her and direct her to the other side. I’ve mentioned this particular technique before and we’ve done it many, many times in class. Performing the ‘front cross’ is not difficult. Yet because it’s in the middle of so many other things you’re doing, the subtleties can get lost.

However, something ‘clicked’ for me and I realized the importance of using every available aspect of communicating with Grace to keep her attention. First, I needed to be near the tunnel exit, I had to make eye contact immediately, move with her to the tire jump, call out “TIRE!” and then use my body placement and arm gesture to direct her correctly. Even knowing the importance of every aspect, I didn’t do so well on my first try. I didn’t make eye contact and I was too far away from the tire given the unique, sharp angle of the desired turn. Grace moved to my right instead of my left, missing the tire.

Rachel asked us to try it again, reminding me of the things that I had not done. This time, it worked and Grace performed beautifully! It’s not enough to say the word or just move to the next obstacle. Ensuring that I had her undivided attention was critical: it takes more than just one way to deliver a message effectively. Just like when we communicate with people.

In order to ensure that the other person correctly receives any message, we have to think of so many things – while we’re in the middle of a bunch of other things! We might be thinking about the person we’re talking to, or how we need to move to the next task awaiting us, or we might be annoyed at the noise in the adjoining room that continually distracts us. There are a multitude of things that could be demanding our attention.

So it becomes immensely difficult to be 100% present at every single moment. Yet when we get distracted, that’s the likely moment when our communication can get flawed. Perhaps we didn’t hear what the other person said. Or we missed the item that the speaker pointed to during a presentation. Did their voice provide a clue for their true feeling that was missed as we “listened”?

Our agility class helped me see the impact between crystal clear communication and “almost clear” communication. It made the difference of whether Grace understood my intended message. I’d be interested to hear examples that you would be willing to share of communication that has been effective, and perhaps, not-so-effective. What did you do that had an impact on the outcome?

Saying the right thing at the right time in the right way

On April 15, 2011 / Communicating, Graceful Leadership / 10 Comments

This is Oliver. Standing in the plant. Where we don't want him to be.

Ever tried to reprimand a headstrong cat? It’s actually quite comical. Depending on the cat’s interest to comply (usually low) and the actual distance you happen to be from the offender at the time of the infraction (if you’re close, better; if you’re far away, forget it), it’s an entertaining, but usually futile exercise.

Grace has two feline brothers, Oliver and Dodger. She is not particularly fond of them, because she’s so jealous of any attention they get from us. She tries to ignore that they are part of the household, so you’d think she would be ecstatic when they get into trouble.

But when we reprimand Oliver or Dodger for their insistence to jump on a counter or perch in the middle of a plant there shouldn’t be, Grace becomes very nervous. She doesn’t like to hear us raise our voice and she immediately comes over to our side, tail down, ears back, and eyes guilty, as if she’s done something wrong. We’re not sure if she thinks she is in trouble herself or just gets nervous because she doesn’t like us to be upset.

I must admit, I find myself tempering my tone when I try to discipline the cats (I know, what’s the point in trying that anyway?) to avoid making Grace anxious.

It definitely makes me think about situations in the workplace when we soften or avoid conflict because we’re afraid of the reaction by the other person. There’s no doubt that voicing an unpopular comment or opinion can make someone uncomfortable, and the regrettable ramification is that it can shut down all constructive conversation.

I just heard a powerful story yesterday about a manager who received a very difficult message about how he was being perceived by his team – yet he took the comment in the spirit for which it was intended, and it worked! He made positive changes in his management style that the team recognized and responded to. We can’t always sugar-coat our message. We just need to be respectful.

Take a strong look at your interactions. Are you making sure to voice the necessary comments and opinions, even if they are difficult for the other person to hear?

How much focus do you need to get what you want?

On April 12, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Training / Leave a comment

This is an example of a discrimination exercise, where the dog has a choice of two pieces of equipment. Your job is to ensure the dog goes to the place you intended. You will see Riley, Grace

Focus. No distractions. Having all your attention on something—it’s a good thing.

Until you lose your focus.

That’s what happened to me at agility last week. And I didn’t even realize it until a fellow classmate, Patricia, recognized it had happened to both of us. I loved our class last week. It turned out that there were only two dogs and so we had a bit more opportunity to practice some of the skills.

One of the first things we did was a front cross technique; as Grace exited the tunnel, I would cross in front of her from the left to the right, then I would ask her to jump, on the hurdle now on my left. I needed to make sure to pick up eye-contact with Grace as she came out of the tunnel, not quite that easy since Grace runs a lot faster than I do. After picking her up at the end of tunnel, I needed to guide her to the hurdle, now on my left, as opposed to her running right.

My first attempt was unsuccessful. So was my second.

Patricia was experiencing this as well, so Rachel slowed us down and showed us again. With a little practice and Rachel’s clear direction, we did it! Grace and Patricia’s adorable dog, Riley, did great—through that part of the exercise. Once we had completed that stage, we had several more jumps as part of the course Rachel had set up for us.

After we had gone through the course a few times, Patricia made the accurate observation that Riley and Grace had both made mistakes at the end of course. Once Patricia and I had successfully accomplished the task we were actively learning, we lost our focus.

I know I was assuming that the rest of course was “routine” and that Grace knew what to do. But as was so clearly evident afterwards, it was critical for me to keep my focus, helping her hit every tire and jump exactly as I knew she was capable of doing. But if I was unclear or wishy-washy about what I wanted her to do, she had a free pass to do what she wanted. She didn’t ‘miss’ intentionally—she just wasn’t clear what I wanted.

As we work with others on a project or learning a new skill, this can be the explanation why mistakes are made in places that were once mastered. Consistent focus is really necessary.

Going through a tunnel can lead to success

On March 29, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Motivating / 4 Comments

This was taken last year when Grace was learning to go through the tunnel. As you can see, she was perfectly happy to stay outside of it!

The jumps are so easy for Grace. She looks like a ballerina effortlessly springing over the hurdles. She knows it, too. She’ll leap over the bar whenever she even gets close to a jump, whether I say “Jump!” or not. It’s fun for her and she’s good at it.

Returning to agility class last Friday was gratifying. Grace picked up as if we hadn’t been away from it at all. Her tail was up and wagging and she pranced around the room as if she owned it. Almost too much…. She got a little snippy with a very beautiful and kind dog as they met for the first time. I imagine Grace just assumed she was Queen of All Agility and didn’t want to share the space with anyone else. (It’s a bit embarrassing when you have an ill-mannered child in public.) She also whined obnoxiously when the trainer, Rachel, was explaining the next round of skills we’d be practicing. She couldn’t quite figure out why we were sitting and talking while she could be out jumping! Patience is not one of Grace’s strengths. But given how far she has come, I was so tickled watching her perform, but more importantly witnessing her enjoyment in the moment.

One of our exercises was for Grace to use discretion on her next move. In agility, the handler has to control (or should I say, attempt to control) where the dog goes next. Good handlers will direct well. Good dogs will execute well. It’s no different from being in a workplace, where it takes strong leadership to direct, in combination with competent, talented followers who execute.

In this particular event, there was a tunnel entrance placed directly beside the A-frame. I was to direct Grace to go to the piece of equipment that I intended, using visual and verbal cues. The A-frame is one of her favorites; she enjoys her ease in bounding over the incline, (dogs are supposed to slow down upon exit of it–now that’s a test!). Grace loves to run fast so when she sees the A-frame, she gets excited, ready for action. It’s not that she doesn’t like the tunnel, just easier to go up the A-frame instead of entering a closed tube. Even if she heard the word ‘tunnel’ coming out of my mouth, chances are good she would run up the A-frame, just because it’s more fun! Again, I know this happens at the office; people tend to gravitate to those activities they enjoy over ones that are less interesting to them if they can get away with it.

When working through this exercise, she did quite well. Much more often than not, she went where I asked her to go. If I wanted her to go inside the tunnel, I physically moved closer to the tunnel, almost blocking the A-frame. She could have edged around me to go up if she really wanted to, but she entered the tunnel. Going up the A-frame was always easy, all I needed to do was a simple upward signal of my hand in that direction and she was off and running. Some dogs love the tunnel, though, so you have to find ways to entice the animal, taking into account their individual preference and then create the precise motivation to do the “right” thing. As Rachel said, “We need to set up the dog for success; don’t even put them in a situation where they will fail.”

I believe those are very important words of advice for any organizational leader. We need to create an environment for success for employees, and that might mean different things for different employees, even if they are in the same role. What can you do to help your employees be in a position of success?

Agility courses teach confidence, and other things I wasn’t expecting

On March 25, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 2 Comments

Grace sitting on Pause Table On her first day at agility, Grace crawled under this table! But just the very next session, she was much more comfortable on top, where she was supposed to be!

After a winter hiatus, Grace and I are returning to agility classes today. The room is indoors so it has nothing to do with the seasons, but just that I’ve found renewed energy for us to get back to “work.” Mind you, this is really a very fun time for us. In fact, the trainer, Rachel, remarked that Grace has walked into the room with a big smile on her face. And I know I enjoy it at least as much as Grace does, seeing the progress she has made is just one of the benefits to me.

Our first try at agility was last spring. I had heard from numerous people how the process of learning and mastering the various pieces of equipment and obstacles gives dog confidence, as well as a good source of exercise and entertainment. Sounded like a win-win situation. Grace is agile, fast, and fit, so I knew she would be able to physically excel and she proved that accurate. It was the mental focus that provided her the greatest challenge and also the most rewarding outcomes. On our very first day, she was hyper-alert and distracted by every foreign noise and movement. After about 30 minutes, she became so exhausted that she hid UNDER the “Pause Table” (a square platform for a dog to get ON). It was all so new and she was overwhelmed. But with time and experience, she now loves being in that environment and I absolutely believe it has helped her become more confident in all situations.

I was surprised at how much work this was me! In fact, it was at one of our last sessions that cemented my belief that we can learn from our exchanges with animals to improve our human interactions. Rachel had us working on a jump series, where it was my job to show Grace which of the three jumps to go through and from what direction. The jumps were aligned in a straight line so that the intent was to create the shape of an S in our jumping series. Rachel watched the two of us, then gave me this sobering feedback: “Grace is watching your every move for direction and you are sending her mixed signals about which way you want her to go.” Wow. I’m always telling people to be clear when they communicate! And here I was, not doing a good job at it myself. Rachel gave me some helpful suggestions that made my voice and body provide more congruent signals for Grace and I immediately became aware of how the subtle changes made a big difference. Then I quickly started to think about situations in my human interactions where I could become more effective in my delivering my intended message.

And so once again, Grace gave me the opportunity to look in the mirror and improve upon things that help her–but also me. I can’t wait to get back to our jumps today. Wish me luck!