Personality | PeopleSense Consulting

Transitions can generate excitement or stress

On October 28, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 5 Comments

The golden leaves that have not been released from the branches reveal the edges of fall that remain while the snow is rushing the transition of seasons.

The transition of seasons is a fitting metaphor for the changes in our lives and within each of us. The yellow, orange and curry colors of the leaves looked bland yesterday, yet now are a bold contrast against the dusting of snow that fell last night. Fall is not over, yet winter weather rushed in to prove it will come—and soon.

Sometimes we have a force in our life that pushes us to a transition. In my last post, I talked about the need for managers and friends to be patient with the timetable that someone needs to move outside their comfort zone. Today, I’m writing to say that as individuals, that if we aren’t doing enough on our own to find the right pace, we might get a nudge (or a jolt!) to push us. Perhaps the snow did that today to warn the animals of the bitter cold that will soon take hold. And while the critters will most likely listen, they may be panicked as they scurry for food. Moving on your own timeline creates less stress, and can even be exciting if you approach a change with a mindset of good outcomes versus being in distress as a result of a crisis.

Move outside your comfort zone — at your own pace

On October 26, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 9 Comments

“I’ve always believed that the pure of heart can go unharmed where others fear to tread.”

This is what Grace does when she gets overwhelmed -- snuggles in deep, nice and cozy within her comfort zone. Ever had one of those days?

That is a quote from a fellow blogger, Sara. She had written it months ago and at the time, I retyped it and taped it next to my monitor so I could read it often and be reminded of its message. To me, it was a way of saying that moving outside of your comfort zone can be invigorating rather than agonizing. When you are clear about something (pure of heart), then the choices become easy and you can move forward instead of keeping the status quo that you aren’t happy with. You can acknowledge your fear but you don’t have to be bound by it.

Can a person ever change?

On October 23, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 8 Comments

“Can I person ever change?”

That question was posed several times, stated in a number of various ways, during meetings I held with one of my clients last week. The majority of these 30 managers are seasoned and they all care a lot about their employees. They also take their role very seriously.

They have created a culture where employees know they are valued. But that doesn’t eliminate those frustrating exchanges or difficult conversations that inevitably occur. And when the same issue crops up time and time again, it would naturally make you wonder: why? Why is it that the problem doesn’t get fixed after one, two, or three conversations about it?

Is this as good as it gets?

On July 8, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 9 Comments

This isn't even Grace's bed, but you see who "owns" it. She's a bit snippy when she doesn't get her way. Of all her adorable traits, that isn't one of them. Do you know anyone like that?

Next weekend Grace and I will be attending a two-day class together. It’s for dogs that are fearful, aggressive or reactive. Grace can be all of them, in varying degrees. I submitted an application to have her considered as a case study and she was accepted. Since I’ve tried lots of things to improve these challenges, I’m incredibly interested to see what I learn.

But a nagging thought keeps going through my mind as I enter this course: when will we reach the point that Grace just won’t change? Or can’t change? Has she already stretched so much that it’s as good as it gets? Or is she able to continue to get out of her existing mindset of fear? How much influence do I have? Will I have?

It’s noteworthy to point out that Grace has changed A LOT since I’ve had her. One of the biggest improvements is her ability to accept new people, which happens much more quickly and less skeptically than she did in those early days. Yet her fear is palpable at times. And there are a few things she still does that, well, they annoy me. (Sorry Grace.)

I’m sure she’d be happier, too, if we could lessen her fear.

The three things I specifically want to address are her fear of children, her excessive and piercing barking in the house when anything or anyone moves by the window, and her whining while riding in the car. All these things I have been ineffective thus far in changing.

In reading another blog a few weeks ago, the question was posed: “Do personalities ever change?” It’s a question that is often asked in my line of work. On that blog, experts and novices chimed in with all sorts of answers, ranging from yes to no. I don’t have the clinical background or scientific data to validate this, but from what I’ve read and experienced, here’s my opinion. Sure, we can change. But it’s not always likely and it’s certainly not easy. The triggers that create change have to be very dramatic, and even then, it’s usually not lasting. We can learn skills that help us adjust in certain situations, but our core traits don’t move much.

When someone is in a job that isn’t working out, this becomes a very delicate question because it affects a person’s self-esteem and livelihood. How much can the person change to fit the job? How much can the employer invest in that growth and development? How much motivation exists for both parties to work collaboratively on it? I have seen situations where an employer and employee work hard to create success. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It depends on how much each party is able to bend. I think the critical piece is to ensure that everyone is involved in an ongoing and constructive conversation about it, with mutually understood goals.

So here I am, expecting big(ger) and lasting changes from my dog. I’ve seen pretty remarkable strides in the six years we’ve been together. We’re about to see if more can come.