Professional Development | PeopleSense Consulting

When you want to be successful, don’t try it alone

On December 6, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Managing / 8 Comments

Sunny was an invaluable mentor to Grace; they were often chewing on sticks but there was more than just playtime occurring. Sunny was showing Grace how to interact properly.

No great accomplishment is ever done alone.

Certainly dogs rely on humans for many basic needs, but Grace started out living on the streets by herself. She found her own food and shelter; having enough self-preservation and willpower to do what she needed to survive. But even in those amazingly challenging times, I have no doubt that she watched and learned from other dogs how to work the system to get what she needed. (She is certainly a master of that now when it comes to getting things she wants from me!)

Soon after I got her, a professional trainer told me I should think of Grace as a survivor, not a victim. It was true. Grace found the resources she needed for her basic survival, even as a young pup.

Warning! There may be untapped potential all around you!

On November 18, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / Leave a comment

Coming through this dark, long tunnel of cloth might look easy, but it was quite an accomplishment for Grace. I wasn

What is the potential for any dog?

I doubt this question gets asked much by dog owners. Many of us bring a canine pal into our homes for companionship (nothing wrong with that!). But we probably don’t put a dedicated focus on helping them reach their own potential. We’re often more interested in having them fit into our lives and lifestyle. There obviously has to be some of that for a peaceful and satisfactory co-existence, but I’m talking about real efforts to bring out the best in the dog.

And the same thing happens in our workplaces. We bring on a new employee because a job needs to get done (nothing wrong with that!). But then we often leave that person on their own to figure out the ropes. We get busy or just don’t have the interest to mentor and support what they need to thrive. It seems that if they are surviving, that’s good enough. But think about the difference in the outcomes for someone who is just surviving, versus someone who is thriving.

Transitions can generate excitement or stress

On October 28, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 5 Comments

The golden leaves that have not been released from the branches reveal the edges of fall that remain while the snow is rushing the transition of seasons.

The transition of seasons is a fitting metaphor for the changes in our lives and within each of us. The yellow, orange and curry colors of the leaves looked bland yesterday, yet now are a bold contrast against the dusting of snow that fell last night. Fall is not over, yet winter weather rushed in to prove it will come—and soon.

Sometimes we have a force in our life that pushes us to a transition. In my last post, I talked about the need for managers and friends to be patient with the timetable that someone needs to move outside their comfort zone. Today, I’m writing to say that as individuals, that if we aren’t doing enough on our own to find the right pace, we might get a nudge (or a jolt!) to push us. Perhaps the snow did that today to warn the animals of the bitter cold that will soon take hold. And while the critters will most likely listen, they may be panicked as they scurry for food. Moving on your own timeline creates less stress, and can even be exciting if you approach a change with a mindset of good outcomes versus being in distress as a result of a crisis.

Take your chores to the river

On September 20, 2011 / Motivating / 12 Comments

Gitte understands the importance of the little things in life and how to make the tough things easier. Or maybe she doesn't even view anything as tough. Just something that needs to be done, so why not enjoy it? The people who choose to live year-round in Alaska have this mindset that we could all benefit from.

There was one woman that we met on vacation that made a major impression on me. Her name is Gitte (pronounced Gee-ta), a Swedish woman who has lived in Alaska for the last 27 years. She was our guide during a 13-hour tour through Denali National Park. This particular tour took you into the park as far as you can drive, a 90-mile one way trip to the Kantishna Roadhousealong the park road. Gitte was a patient bus driver (when other drivers gave up on the potential for a bear or moose to come nearer, she savored the moment and we were rewarded with many close encounters), knowledgeable navigator, skilled wildlife-spotter, park expert, and fascinating person all rolled into one.

I could have listened to Gitte talk for hours about her life in the bush. It’s so different that anything I have known, could imagine, or even endure. Her husband (I think his name was Phil) was from Ohio and came to work at the park during his college years. (This is still very common; we met many students who had come to Alaska for seasonal employment and seeking adventure. Many go back home or to another exotic land; some return for several seasons, but hardly anyone stays over winter.)

Phil decided to take advantage of the then-homestead act in Alaska. The process was to find unclaimed land, stake it, and if you were the first to register it in the office at Fairbanks, it was yours. There were a few additional requirements: you had to build a minimum size structure and live on the land for a certain number of months during the year. He had lived there for several years when she met him.

When Gitte was telling us the story of him finding the place, she said, “He ended up in the middle of nowhere. Or depending on how you look at it, he ended up in the middle of everything.”

Gitte spotted this bear enjoying a dip in the river. Many buses passed us while she pulled off and watched where he might go next.

She definitely felt like they had everything. That was so appealing to me. She had keen awareness and unlimited appreciation for what the land and the experience offered her, despite the harshness of it. If things were demanding, she figured out to make them easier and more rewarding.

The bear seemed unaware, but definitely unconcerned, with the view of the bus, and we were delighted to see him advance in our direction.

She told fascinating stories of their life there for 19 years, raising four boys, in a small shelter, heated only by wood. When the third boy arrived, they doubled their space from the original 16’ x 16’ cabin. They saved their money, little by little, to buy one window each year to replace their plastic film windows. Windows in a climate that reaches 50 below zero on a daily basis seem like a necessity to me rather than a luxury, but not to them. They used their 16-dog sled team to transport the first window; one of the triple-pane elements broke from the jostling of the sled so the following year they decided to transport the window in their canoe. When the last of the four windows went in, they realized they no longer could hear the sounds of outdoors as they had before; it was bittersweet to give up the closeness to nature for the warmth that the windows provided.

We were all rewarded with Gitte's patience and her awareness that many things take time to develop.

She talked about meal preparation and home-schooling the boys (the two oldest are in college now in Fairbanks). Their routines changed with the seasons. In the summer, they moved to the coast, one primary objective was to avoid the mosquitoes. Their family, along with others, had a small camp area. During the day, she and the boys would pack up the dogs, meals, and laundry and head to the sand bars in the middle of the rock-strewn river bed. That area gave the boys and the dogs a place to exercise and play and she had access to water for laundry – and the mosquitoes were hardly around! But the thing that got me the most was this comment she made: “All the other families stayed at camp to do their chores and then they came down to the river late in the day to join us for dinner. I didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t take the chores to the river and enjoy the day there.”

Gitte is a person who understands how precious every moment is and that we make every moment what it is – good or bad. She wasn’t shirking her responsibilities. She didn’t avoid the hard things. This was her choice to live in the bush and understood the responsibility of that. She made it better for herself and for those in her life. We should all find ways to integrate our “chores” – whatever they may be – into every part of our day.

I think dogs have this ability, too. They don’t try to overcomplicate things. They enjoy the simple pleasures and they are always ready to enjoy life. Last night when we were in the kitchen longer than usual and thoughts started to drift about wanting to be reading or doing something other than what I was doing; and this morning when we rose while it was still dark, I thought of Gitte. We all have things we must do in our personal and professional lives that are less desirable than others. The people who choose to make Alaska their home understand how those pieces are necessary and fit into the larger picture of what they want and desire.

I will always need reminders of that but Gitte and Grace are there to help me.

Two steps forward, one step backward

On August 9, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Managing / 6 Comments

When the water level is low, Grace loves to meander on the rocks. She is constantly making choices about going forward or going backwards -- or sideways -- to move ahead. I guess she does that a lot, not just with her rock-jumping adventures.

This past weekend, I continued my experiment with Grace in the car. You may recall in a recent postI talked about my success in getting her to decide to lay quietly in her bed—a decision she made on her own versus me luring or commanding her to do so.

The next time we did this it didn’t turn out quite so good.

She very clearly remembered that in order for her to get some yummy deli turkey meat, she had to be in her bed. This time, she figured something else out about this new set-up. Almost immediately upon starting out on our ride, she would get up and out of her bed—make a turn or nudge me, anything to let me know she was out—and then returned to her bed. The first few times this happened I gave her a treat, thinking she was going back to her bed as was my intention. But then I realized that little devil had outsmarted me. She was intentionally getting up, just to go back, resulting in a tasty snack.

After a few times of this and I realized what she was doing, I stopped giving her turkey when she got back into her bed, opting to wait until she was there a while. She didn’t like this part of the game and she started to whine. It was a “turkey whine,” accurately coined by my husband, silently observing this charade that Grace and I were exchanging. Now her whines in the car were because she wanted her share of the turkey versus being stressed. Was this what progress would look like?

I was feeling a mixture of emotions. On one hand, it was funny. On the other, I was irritated. And mostly I was disappointed that my sense of accomplishment from the previous week hadn’t prevailed. I so wanted her to have learned this new way of riding in the car and I also wanted to feel a level of success with a new way of interacting with her.

But I had to take a deep breath and remember that we all learn by challenging the boundaries of our new experience. It’s no different from any of us making a mistake as we learn something new. We’re trying to figure out all the angles. I can’t really fault her for trying to maximize her turkey treats!

As we manage, we need to remember that people will stretch their boundaries. They will make mistakes. They will often take longer to learn something than we hope it will take. Things will go back before they go forward.

Grace and I took a couple of steps forward last week and then we had a step backward on the next round. But we’re still moving ahead and learning together.

Making progress is the important thing when you’re looking for changes

On August 5, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 4 Comments

This was Grace at our second agility lesson. Even though it was only a little more than a year ago, it's hard to remember how difficult it was for her to even walk on the A-Frame. As you see, she was exiting very quickly, not even going two steps up! There were lots and lots of baby steps involved in helping her feel comfortable with this new piece of equipment.

The question often comes up: “Is it possible for someone to change?”

After just a few months of lessons, she was off and running without any worries on the A-Frame. Photo by Annie Card.

I believe it’s possible. However, it’s difficult and the circumstances surrounding it have a major impact on the success of the endeavor. First, we need to establish a realistic timeframe; another aspect is to focus on small improvements, without expecting for transformations to occur in too short a period of time. None of us can make huge changes overnight that will last.

Suzanne Clothier shared an excellent example of this at the recent workshop I attended with her. I can’t even remember what she was teaching the dog, but that’s not the important part of the story. She was working alongside another trainer at the time, who she felt was rushing the process. So Suzanne took a stopwatch and timed the length of time between requests and action on the dog’s part. The other trainer was ready to step in and attempt some type of correction or adjustment after about 10 seconds, where Suzanne waited at least twice that long. After a series of requests, Suzanne got out of the dog what she wanted only after two minutes. She could see a progression of positive steps from the dog, so the longer intervals weren’t a big deal for her. What she really wanted to see were improvements — a progression of positive events is what’s important.

I was part of a very similar conversation this past week when working with an organization. One person mentioned that the speed of learning has to do with the method of teaching. If the teacher is able to adapt to the student more closely, the information will be processed more rapidly. Sometimes we can be so focused on when we think something should happen, that we lose track of what’s possible for the other person.

Look for baby steps. Those will lead to sustainable change.

Handling difficult situations: do you “manage” it or do you have skills to work through it?

On July 22, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Managing / Leave a comment

Cheese is a delicious short-term fix but isn't the best way to solve a problem.

When we get into a difficult situation, it’s common to just want the problem to go away. Who wouldn’t?

The way we deal with challenging situations is the key to any conflict. For those times when we don’t handle conflict well, it’s most likely because we never learned the skills to know how to navigate constructively out of it.

At the recent seminar by Suzanne Clothier, my new dog-training hero, she talked about methods to help resolve dog behavior issues. One is “management,” which is basically trying to desensitize or counter condition the behavior, such as averting attention from a bad thing to a better thing.

This isn't a great picture but it shows a time when I was trying to distract Grace with a treat. She's alert to me, but she still has a look of concern on her face. It may help reduce her anxiety of the situation momentarily, but it doesn't solve the bigger problem.

There are times when this helps. However, there is a big downside. It leaves the dog vulnerable when you aren’t around to play manager. An example of this for Grace is that when she hears or sees kids walking down the street, she gets very nervous (understatement). I’ll lure her into the kitchen with a fresh handful of cheese and have her go through rounds of ‘sit’ and ‘down’ to distract her while the kids pass by. She knows they are there but she’s more interested in the block of cheddar. But when I’m not home and the kids go by, she’s just as freaked out as she always has been, with nothing to do except stay within her fear, an unpleasant place to be.

The second option Suzanne discussed is to help the dog build skills to deal with the challenging situation. With Grace’s level of fear, it’s a multi-prong approach, but there are things to do. The skills Suzanne teaches require that the dog uses her brain to make choices on her own. This is the best option because it allows the dog to always be in control of how she reacts, even in the most challenging situations and when she’s facing it alone.

One of my clients has a stated expectation that the employees will self-manage themselves (which despite the inclusion of the word manage, is more like having the skills). The work flow is set up with a team structure versus a traditional manager-employee model. It works well for the employees and the business because it forces everyone to think about the impact they are having on each other; they work through those situations directly and collaboratively, using their minds to problem-solve versus being told what to do. Simple things like vacations aren’t approved or disapproved by a manager; they are decided by the team based on who needs to be there to get the work done. It requires that you have the skills to work through a conflict when multiple people want the same day off, which can happen during the summer or holiday seasons.

In situations of conflict in the organization, lots of time people will bury their head in the sand. Somehow they think that ignoring it will make it go away. They offer a treat of cheese without dealing with the root cause of the fear that exists from the kids walking the street.

Just as Suzanne teaches a variety of methods for building skills, there are lots of skills humans can employ in the workplace to work through a stressful, challenging, or difficult situation. One basic skill is to simply have the conversation. Don’t ignore the problem. It will not go away just because you want it to. Set aside time to talk directly with the others involved. Be respectful. Share ideas for resolution. And don’t think you have to solve it all at once. Ongoing, open dialogue is the foundation for healthy relationships. And with mutual trust, you can solve anything.

Is this as good as it gets?

On July 8, 2011 / Change, Graceful Leadership / 9 Comments

This isn't even Grace's bed, but you see who "owns" it. She's a bit snippy when she doesn't get her way. Of all her adorable traits, that isn't one of them. Do you know anyone like that?

Next weekend Grace and I will be attending a two-day class together. It’s for dogs that are fearful, aggressive or reactive. Grace can be all of them, in varying degrees. I submitted an application to have her considered as a case study and she was accepted. Since I’ve tried lots of things to improve these challenges, I’m incredibly interested to see what I learn.

But a nagging thought keeps going through my mind as I enter this course: when will we reach the point that Grace just won’t change? Or can’t change? Has she already stretched so much that it’s as good as it gets? Or is she able to continue to get out of her existing mindset of fear? How much influence do I have? Will I have?

It’s noteworthy to point out that Grace has changed A LOT since I’ve had her. One of the biggest improvements is her ability to accept new people, which happens much more quickly and less skeptically than she did in those early days. Yet her fear is palpable at times. And there are a few things she still does that, well, they annoy me. (Sorry Grace.)

I’m sure she’d be happier, too, if we could lessen her fear.

The three things I specifically want to address are her fear of children, her excessive and piercing barking in the house when anything or anyone moves by the window, and her whining while riding in the car. All these things I have been ineffective thus far in changing.

In reading another blog a few weeks ago, the question was posed: “Do personalities ever change?” It’s a question that is often asked in my line of work. On that blog, experts and novices chimed in with all sorts of answers, ranging from yes to no. I don’t have the clinical background or scientific data to validate this, but from what I’ve read and experienced, here’s my opinion. Sure, we can change. But it’s not always likely and it’s certainly not easy. The triggers that create change have to be very dramatic, and even then, it’s usually not lasting. We can learn skills that help us adjust in certain situations, but our core traits don’t move much.

When someone is in a job that isn’t working out, this becomes a very delicate question because it affects a person’s self-esteem and livelihood. How much can the person change to fit the job? How much can the employer invest in that growth and development? How much motivation exists for both parties to work collaboratively on it? I have seen situations where an employer and employee work hard to create success. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It depends on how much each party is able to bend. I think the critical piece is to ensure that everyone is involved in an ongoing and constructive conversation about it, with mutually understood goals.

So here I am, expecting big(ger) and lasting changes from my dog. I’ve seen pretty remarkable strides in the six years we’ve been together. We’re about to see if more can come.

Lazy dog daze of summer

On July 6, 2011 / Managing, Motivating / 5 Comments

What else is there to do on a nice day but to hang out in the grass with a meaty bone?

In New England, there are only a few weeks of warm, sunny weather in the summer – if you’re lucky. So when the sun is out and the temperatures are perfect, it’s wise to take advantage of it. The last week or so has been that kind of weather. Temperatures have been ideal, the sun has been shining, it’s past-season for black flies and apparently a little too dry for mosquitoes. What a miracle – no bugs!! Only the occasional short thunderstorm during a late afternoon has come through to interrupt our beautiful days.

Summer is the time to enjoy and rejuvenate. We all need to take a break from our whirlwind, and while having perfect weather shouldn’t be a requirement for when you get away from your routines, it’s an excellent reminder. Even if you take five minutes or perhaps five hours – go ahead, make it five days! – do make sure to take time for yourself. Find something that makes you happy. When you return to your work, others will notice the difference, and you will, too.

Missed opportunities for leadership

On July 1, 2011 / Graceful Leadership, Leading / 6 Comments

Grace is shying away from the Pause Table, something she is normally confident in doing, but it was a new environment that intimidated her. I'm asking her to stay and her focus is on someone else as she leaves the area. Great photo taken by Jo-Ann Gerde.

In my last post,I talked about situations where we might step in too aggressively and lead through some event or task when it would have been better to follow. Some people are just natural leaders and they are comfortable taking control of any situation – especially when there is a void and no one else is doing so. Sometimes, like with Grace, the motivation is rooted in insecurity. But even for those confident individuals, it’s good to remember that there are times when it’s beneficial to sit back and let the other person provide the needed leadership.

After a comment made by faithful reader Didi, I got to thinking about the opposite circumstances–those times when we step back from a leadership situation even though we should speak up or take action.

Yesterday afternoon when Grace and I went on our typical walk, she did exactly that. We walk on a road that runs parallel to a small river. There was a mom and two kids fishing and as we approached, Grace got increasingly anxious. The closer we got to them, her body lowered to the ground as if to become invisible, her tail tucked tight under her belly, and she started to pull hard on her leash to get far, far away from the situation. The kids weren’t even paying one single bit of attention to her. If she had been able to get past her fear and approach them confidently, I’m certain they would have welcomed her with a kind voice and pat on her head. A pro-active rather than reactive approach would have had a much less stressful outcome for her! Instead, I picked her up and got her out of the area, calmly but quickly. She continued to look over her shoulder, making sure they weren’t coming after her, body down and scared.

When I think of my own past experiences, I can (unfortunately) think of many times when I let others intimidate me. And the ironic part is that the intimidation was generated by my own perspective, not by anything the other person was doing. It might be an opinion was voiced that is contrary to my own, and for some reason, I felt insecure in speaking up with a different view. Or there are other times when I “go with the flow” of a particular situation, rather than determining a path of action and taking control to effect a particular outcome. It’s easier to sit back, but it’s not always rewarding. Nor does it help the quality of the outcome, especially when you offer expertise or experience that can help the situation.

Typically, each of us defaults to one side or the other. Leading too much or leading too little. Like most things in life, balance is best. The challenge is finding that balance.